Property developer jokes

These jokes originate from developing a few… ok seven in total buy-to-let properties in Edinburgh… this particularly list created was created in July 2007 after having to put my coat in the refrigerator at one of the properties to keep it from getting dusty!

You know you’re a property developer when…

– you think it’s humourous that the only place you can put your coat – without it getting covered in dust – when you enter one of your flats that’s getting refurbed is inside the refrigerator

– you know that when the decorator says that things will be ‘done in a week, no problem’ and you can’t see the floor (or even better, you can see the dirt under the ripped-up floorboards), that it really means another four…

– you humour the decorator when he says it will be ‘no problem’ removing the dried grout (pretty much now cement) from the laminate floor and sink taps and everything will be ‘just like before’

– you wear your overalls to work on ‘dress down day’ at the office as it’s not a ‘weekend’ for you – your condensed week with your DIY business is just beginning

– the people at the tile shop stop believing you after you’ve told them six times that you ‘really won’t be coming back anymore’

– the handyman who can do all types of installations (gas, electrical, etc) and diy is the most important man in your life…

– or… you spend more time/speak to your decorator more than anyone else – per day, week, month, ever

– the next door neighbour phoning you to tell you that your washing machine is setting the electrics in their bedroom on fire doesn’t phase you

– you know exactly how to alternately sweet talk/threaten/beg mortgage companies/advisers, surveyors, the council and solicitors to get exactly what you want – and never fail…

– friends ask you out and the most conclusive date you can give them is doomsday

– Alexa

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Humour: You know you’re a workaholic when…

Another set of jokes I wrote, during August 2007, after working as a contractor on a project for the UK Post Office’s consumer website (www.postoffice.co.uk). In reflection, I’m surprised I had enough time to schedule in having a sense of humour as we busy around the clock!

You know you’re a workaholic when…

– your friends ask you when you’re free to go out and the only date you can give them is ‘I don’t know’ or three months from that moment…

– are, imparticular, a workaholic woman (a trait them seems more uncommon among us females) when you’re the only member of the ‘fairer sex’ sitting in the dining car of the train with your PDA (I don’t do Crackberries – yet- because they don’t come with a pencil) and spreadsheet-filled laptop, the rest are all men in suits

– you spend a long time during one of your train rides in between projects (ie the London ‘day – and night – job’ and your property development business in Edinburgh) in the vicinity of a couple your age with kids and think, I’m too busy ever to have those (even if I wanted them) but then after 4 hours of being around the family are tired out from just being around the kids…

– you enjoy being in 7-hour meetings outside of the office because they’re easier to focus on than the stuff sitting on your desk

– multi-tasking really means million-tasking

– you refer to the four buy-to-let properties you own as ‘your kids’

– relaxation for you is working on a ‘creative project’

– you get as much satisfaction out of a fast car as a slow boyfriend

And…

You know your friends are even worse workaholics – and suddenly you don’t feel so bad about it – when…
– you and him/her agree to meet up and they have to postpone it to a year and a half later (you only had to postpone it six months!)

– you agree to meet him/her on their 15-min lunch break for a smoothie instead of a meal as they don’t have time for the latter (they requested the 15 minutes, you actually had 20 spare!)

– you surprise yourself when you find you’re the one texting one of your workaholic friends and promising to drag them out

– Alexa

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